Nov. 18th, 2009

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I have just re-read my entire livejournal. Does that constitute narcissism or boredom? Who knows. All I really know is that things have changed since I started this thing, even if I have left it like a punctured sex doll for the past two years. Here I am now with a puncture repair kit, waiting to see how long I can fuck it for before it gives up again...

Anyway, I am now old and wizened, having crossed the magic threshhold ito my thirties. Some would expect that I would have settled down (especially since I'm engaged and in the fifth year of my relationship with Jenny), but no, that's not for me. I now have a hair/beard combo that would Alan Moore weep openly, and have buggered off to Stoke on Trent to be a student for the next four years. Let it not be said that I'm not a contrary bugger.

Stoke is far north of my beloved Essex that I fear we may be entering an ice age here. Mammoths lurk at evey corner, and the locals certainly seem to live in caves. They haven't got a funcitiong transports system. All the bars have bouncers on the doors, Nu-Metal is still popular and THERE'S NO WAGAMAMAS. Civilisation as we know is yet to take root.

I have also largely abandoned comics in the intervening years, simply beacause I can't be arsed. I have re-embraced my love of metal, however. This is because it is proven to make beardy swine such as myself 62% more manly. I now drink my mead from a horn while beating my chest.

So, I'm the frostbitten north (Grim here, too). If I have to experience the land of horrific accents and casual racism, then you bastards certainly need know about it!

Mr Toad, fearless correspondent in the north. Off now to venture down the cliff to go to Asda in search of food.


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